


The Ever Increasing Agony of the Damned

by CumberRachel



Series: Recovery is like falling, only backwards [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Flashbacks, POV Bucky Barnes, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3504803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CumberRachel/pseuds/CumberRachel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pain in his arm now equates that of his mind, luckily he finds solace for both.</p>
<p>(Sort of a filler, Then next one is more important)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ever Increasing Agony of the Damned

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's so short, I needed to update Bucky's POV but I wouldn't thing of much to write, the next one will start a little before this one ends. Thanks :)

"Excuse me sir? Are you okay?" A young girl asked, she was a petite girl with bright blue eyes, _why were everyone's eyes blue_. Her pale pink dress accentuating them perfectly. What the assassin couldn't help but wander was why this girl, who must have been no more than ten, was with him in the darkest corner of a very secluded alley way. The only light coming from the fragmented, flashing, fluorescent sign that pointed towards what was probably the sleaziest strip club there was in New York. This was the last place a ten year old would be, especially in the very early hours of the morning. Alone. The girl just watched him, a small smile of concern on her face. Out of nowhere she began to giggle; like miniature bells ringing in perfect succession, making her eyes crinkle and sparkle with amusement and joy. She held her slim hands over mouth out of taught politeness, it was one of the most adorable things the assassin had seen.

"You're funny James." The girl spoke and it was like he was hearing music for the first time in his life, only... She knew his name. The name Steve had used. The name at the exhibit. His name. How could she know it? Colours and cheering flashed in his minds eye, all red, white and blue. Confetti, streamers, posters. Everything.

"Bonnie?" The assassin asked, the name rearing its head at the front of his. "You're Bonnie. I remember you." He stated, awed at his memories' reproduction of his childhood 'romance'. Reaching out, the little girl stumbled backward a few paces, fear replacing amusement. No longer a small child in a pale dress but a young adult, in a very short, very dark dress. Staring down at him in equal parts horror and disgust. As though the thing she'd scraped from her shoe had come to life and was biting at her ankles.

"Maniac! I was just trying to help you." She cried, he shrill voice attacking his ears, no more music, no more bells. Just the scornful distaste the assassin was used to.

* * *

It has been almost two months since the first arm incident. So far the assassin had only had five other incidents similar. The most recent caused him to black out but that could also be due to the lack of food. He'd taken to rummaging in supermarket dumpsters. 70% of the food they chucked away was suitable for human consumption. Let alone enhanced super humans, with 3 times that of the human metabolism who were in dire need of nutrition. Steve would be upset if he knew Bucky wasn't eating or sleeping. He couldn't upset Steve again so he tried his hardest to get a few hours a night. He even wandered around the streets in the hopes of seeing Steve again, he never did. It began to burrow in the assassins skull, thoughts like snakes working their way through the undergrowth of a rainforest: where was Captain America?

He wasn't the only one who'd noticed either. Tabloids and news headlines began speculating: " _Captain America! Away on a job or just lazy?_ "

" _Running from Reality, Has Rogers' Resigned?_ "

_"Broken about Bucky? Is our Hero Hallucinating?_ "

There were many others but there were no where near as creative. Bucky almost wanted to shout out to the world that he was alive, go on a talk show, force Steve out of whatever hiding he was in.

But he couldn't, he was notorious. A criminal, an assassin, a cold blooded killer. Not usually accepted by governments. But he was also a war hero, the Smithsonian said so. He saved hundreds of people, put his life on the line to free people. Got captured and was experimented on. Fell from a speeding train and even then didn't die, he was genetically enhanced and used as an asset by the enemy. Frozen for years at a time before being set a new mission, each more personal than the last, each time he started to remember they would wipe his mind. Halt the connections between the memory centre of his brain in order to remove emotions. Leaving room for new ways to kill, new ways to hide, new ways to fight. None of them good enough against the soldier, not one strong enough to prevent the connections being made again.

He couldn't solve the problem though, which was why he was so shaken when he saw a tall, broad, blonde haired man with baby blues and a strong jaw stare at him in a crowd. Frozen to the spot as though he was in cryofreeze all over again, breath coming hard and fast, arm electrocuting his muscle as it had really poor timing. As with last time, his mind kicked into gear at the right point, leaving Bucky enough time to flee. Running hard and fast through the concrete forest. Scaling fences, smashing through windows, dodging this way and that around the part of the city he knew best, finally loosing his tail. The cries of his name gradually becoming more distant. Frantic and panicked, but distant.

Unfortunately for Bucky, he has enhanced hearing and when the soldier broke down in tears; so did he. The choked gasps of agony echoing on the brick surrounding him, the subtle scrape of metal on mortar keeping him grounded as his hand clawed at the wall, trying to do anything to keep himself from seeking out the distraught captain. The sobs subsided in sync, as one calmed so did the other. Ending up in heavy exhausted pants. Steve's retreat brought back the electrifying pain, his attention back on his arm.

_What if I just took it off?_ He thought, the rational area of his mind agreeing. The arm had only ever been tampered with, fixed or tweaked, small improvements or replacements added in place to maintain its ability, and to keep it up to date with technology. But it hasn't ever been removed, not fully, not since it had been applied. So the thought wasn't exactly rationalised but it was all Bucky was capable of producing. With his flesh and bone arm, Bucky grasped the metal one at the elbow; the metal flexing and manoeuvring as it's been programmed to do. Wishing he had something to bite down on, the assassin grit his teeth. Bracing himself as he pulled his shoulders back hard, crying out in absolute agony as the metal groaned and snapped, leaving the plates surrounding his shoulder. The stump poking out from the end, ugly and angry, sore and swollen, some parts bleeding as spikes pulled at the skin. It didn't take long for the pain to become too much for even the assassin, it was as though the limb that had been removed was flesh and bone, and now the open wound was being dipped in acid and set alight. With these images in his head, Bucky fell to his knees, then to the damp, muddy ground, surrendering to the safety of unconsciousness. the shadow of a dumpster keeping him safe from the eyes of the street.


End file.
